إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعُونَ

“Indeed we belong to Allah , and indeed to Him we will return.”

We have relationships and expect certain things out of the other person. But the reality is that people always disappoint. Catch 22 of it all is that I myself fail others expectations as they fail mine. So where can we strike the balance in between. Is it possible to love something and not expect of them anything?

The more I love someone the more expect of them. The more I believe in them wholeheartedly. And when they don’t reach its so disappointing and frustrating, especially if its someone younger than you who you love so dearly like your younger siblings or your children. You want so much for them to succeed in life, to make the right decisions, to stand up on their own two feet. And yet you can’t stand for them. We just teach by example, encourage them, and step back hoping they’ll spread their wings.

I suppose I’m just tired of being disappointed. I’m tired of having such high hopes for someone I love all too much only for me to get hurt when they don’t reach their own potential.

The only one that I can truly have expectations of is Allah. I might not be able to expect where I’ll end up but at least I can know and trust that He’ll be who He says He is, He’ll live up to His own attributes, He will always be there, and He will always be Just and Wise.

May we expect the most of our Amazing Merciful Lord and may He deliver us. Ameen.

Head turning one to other
Back and forth
Biggest decision of my life
Maybe the predictable path will just make life easier
Nothing unrehearsed
Even problems would be obvious

Close your eyes and walk
Let your heart and mind decide together
And once you find it don’t turn back

Filled with mistakes
This was the best path I could have taken
Unpredictable and stressful
Sometimes forcing me to look back and see if the other path is still open
But then I turn back and realize I’ve chosen
God helped me
There’s no going back
And there’s no question about right or wrong
It’s just moving forward
Spirits lifted
Trying to keep afloat
Even though whispers try to take you down

Thank you God.

God is greater [than everything]

The people began to come out into the streets, tears streaming down their cheeks, goosebumps rising upon their arms, their hearts flooded with emotion. This voice, although not beautiful by the original standards of the people, brought a sense of peace, a flashback of the days when the Praised One walked amongst them.

I bear witness that Muhammed is the Messenger of Allah

Upon mentioning the name of his late beloved, peace and blessings be upon him, the man broke into uncontrollable tears. How dearly missed was Muhammed by this man, so intensely that he asked to be relieved from his job of calling the people to pray after the Prophet’s death, peace and blessings be upon him. And now back in Medinah, he was overcome with sadness once again at the passing of Prophet.

A freed slave, Bilal ibn Rabah al-habashi was an African man chosen by the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, to be the Mu’athan. Once a man came to the Prophet, peace and blessings upon him, asking him to find a suitable spouse for his sister. The Prophet suggested Bilal, radiyaAllahu ‘anhu. The man went back but returned twice again. All three times the Prophet suggested Bilal and on the last time he added that Bilal was one of the people of Jennah so the man should marry his sister to him.

SubHanAllah it was an amazing interracial marriage. But what was the first reaction of the brother? To say no for most likely racial reasons. And what was the Prophet’s reaction? He continued suggesting Bilal, a man of paradise! For what reason should we marry someone? First and foremost for their deen and character. Race and ethnicity have nothing to do with that. Islam came and eradicated all racial selectivities.

Allah says in the Quran:

يَا أَيُّهَا النَّاسُ إِنَّا خَلَقْنَاكُم مِّن ذَكَرٍ وَأُنثَىٰ وَجَعَلْنَاكُمْ شُعُوبًا وَقَبَائِلَ لِتَعَارَفُوا ۚ إِنَّ أَكْرَمَكُمْ عِندَ اللَّهِ أَتْقَاكُمْ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ عَلِيمٌ خَبِيرٌ

O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted. [49:13]

We cannot differentiate people by their color because Allah does not do so nor did the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him. Instead Allah will judge us based on our deeds and righteousness, something only He can judge. So what right do we have as humans to discriminate against people by a race criterion that doesn’t even make sense. Think about it…what are different classifications of race? White/Caucasian, Black/African American, Asian, Hispanic, Native American. They’re all different classifications: color, nationality, continent, etc. It makes absolutely no sense!

Muslema broke is down really nicely in this video about racial unity…

He had no options left but to bear the pain until his end so my husband and I made the very difficult decision of putting him to sleep; it would be a lot easier for him than living in misery for his few days/weeks left of life.

I only had the little kitten for a month and it was so hard dealing with the loss. Driving away from the vet I had tears streaming down my face when I finally realized that this is just how life is. We’re all only on this earth for a short amount of time and then one day the time for each and every one of us will come. And who knows, maybe it’ll be tomorrow…or even today. Lucky for animals, they’re not accountable for their lives. We, on the other hand, don’t have it that easy.

God says in the Qur’aan:

كُلُّ نَفْسٍ ذَائِقَةُ الْمَوْتِ ۗ وَإِنَّمَا تُوَفَّوْنَ أُجُورَكُمْ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ ۖ فَمَن زُحْزِحَ عَنِ النَّارِ وَأُدْخِلَ الْجَنَّةَ فَقَدْ فَازَ ۗ وَمَا الْحَيَاةُ الدُّنْيَا إِلَّا مَتَاعُ الْغُرُورِ

Every soul will taste death, and you will only be given your [full] compensation on the Day of Resurrection. So he who is drawn away from the Fire and admitted to Paradise has attained [his desire]. And what is the life of this world except the enjoyment of delusion. [3:185]

Life is short and it’s purpose is not to waste it doing aimless things and being deluded by the glitter of this world. Its so easy for us to be so distracted by the tangible worldly things in life from our true purpose: to please God, do good, and hope to enter Paradise.

My kitten’s death was the first time I ever had to experience death first hand and face it in front of me. As emotionally difficult as it was, there was a great lesson in it for me.

We need to make sure we’re not wasting our time and really refocus our purpose and our goals in life because God knows, life is short.

Its a funny thing really. Where does it come from? How does it grow? Does it ever truly end? I guess I started thinking about the concept recently after getting married. It amazes and baffles me that Allah placed these miraculous feelings in my heart for my husband and I’ve only known him for a year now, only started talking to him six months ago, and only have been married to him for a little over two months. Yesterday I was looking at him and thought wow everything this feeling just changes form and increases as the days pass by. I don’t know really how to explain it. Allah says in the Quran in surat al Rum ayah 21,

وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ

“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.”

There’s nothing to explain except that this intangible feeling is only from Allah. That really got me thinking. What really is حب (love)? I looked it up in a bunch of Arabic dictionaries and found the following…

• To love,
• To evoke a liking,
• To endear,
• To make dear, lovable, attractive,
• To wish, to want,
• Affection,
• Attachment

What was more interesting is that one of the roots of love in Arabic is grain/seeds/kernel. Soo where’s the connection?? Grains/seeds are something that we have to take the time out to till the land then plant. Then we have to continue to take care of it by through making sure they get their nutrients to slowly grow (water, sunlight, etc). The aftermath is a beautiful plant which continues to grow and even spread more seeds to make the process everlasting.

Love is something that doesn’t come easy. It takes time, hard work, and a lot of sacrificing. With that said, the fruits of love are beautiful and breeds more love.

I think something that’s even cooler is that Allah uses the verb حب so many times in the Quran about different types of people that He loves. For instance in Surat Ali Imran ayah 76 Allah says,

بَلَىٰ مَنْ أَوْفَىٰ بِعَهْدِهِ وَاتَّقَىٰ فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ يُحِبُّ الْمُتَّقِينَ

“But yes, whoever fulfills his commitment and fears Allah – then indeed, Allah loves those who are God-conscious.”

That love that Allah has for God-conscious people is one that will never cease and will keep increasing and growing inshaAllah. How crazy is that? It’s the perfect word and meaning for Allah to use to motivate us to get to a higher level of Iman just to attain His love.

The scary thing is that we use that same type of love for the wrong things. Either that or we have an imbalance in our love for this world versus Allah and His Messenger, peace and blessings be upon him. Allah says in the Surat Ali Imran ayah 14-16,

زُيِّنَ لِلنَّاسِ حُبُّ الشَّهَوَاتِ مِنَ النِّسَاءِ وَالْبَنِينَ وَالْقَنَاطِيرِ الْمُقَنطَرَةِ مِنَ الذَّهَبِ وَالْفِضَّةِ وَالْخَيْلِ الْمُسَوَّمَةِ وَالْأَنْعَامِ وَالْحَرْثِ ۗ ذَٰلِكَ مَتَاعُ الْحَيَاةِ الدُّنْيَا ۖ وَاللَّهُ عِندَهُ حُسْنُ الْمَآبِ

قُلْ أَؤُنَبِّئُكُم بِخَيْرٍ مِّن ذَٰلِكُمْ ۚ لِلَّذِينَ اتَّقَوْا عِندَ رَبِّهِمْ جَنَّاتٌ تَجْرِي مِن تَحْتِهَا الْأَنْهَارُ خَالِدِينَ فِيهَا وَأَزْوَاجٌ مُّطَهَّرَةٌ وَرِضْوَانٌ مِّنَ اللَّهِ ۗ وَاللَّهُ بَصِيرٌ بِالْعِبَادِ

الَّذِينَ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا إِنَّنَا آمَنَّا فَاغْفِرْ لَنَا ذُنُوبَنَا وَقِنَا عَذَابَ النَّارِ

“Beautified for people is the love of that which they desire – of women and sons, heaped-up sums of gold and silver, fine branded horses, and cattle and tilled land. That is the enjoyment of worldly life, but Allah has with Him the best return. Say, “Shall I inform you of [something] better than that? For those who fear Allah will be gardens in the presence of their Lord beneath which rivers flow, wherein they abide eternally, and purified spouses and approval from Allah . And Allah is Seeing of [His] servants – Those who say, “Our Lord, indeed we have believed, so forgive us our sins and protect us from the punishment of the Fire,”

As humans we already have this innate desire towards the opposite gender, children, and so forth. And although thats fine, Allah is telling us that there is something better to love in the Hereafter. What’s more beautiful is that He discusses having purified spouses in Jennah…something we love in this world that we’ll have even better in a better place inshaAllah. Personally, its just so hard to love Him more than I love other things in this life. For instance, my husband is tangible and right in front of me. But it takes a much higher level of consciousness to remember and love Allah. The irony though is that Allah is tangible through His physical creation in this world that we love so deeply.

May Allah make us of those who love Him more than anything else in this world. Ameen.

This year it came so fast and I feel as if I didn’t spend enough time preparing for the blessed month of God-consciousness. How am I more aware of Allah’s presence now then I was two weeks ago?

Allah says in the Surat al-a’raaf ayah 26

يَا بَنِي آدَمَ قَدْ أَنزَلْنَا عَلَيْكُمْ لِبَاسًا يُوَارِي سَوْآتِكُمْ وَرِيشًا ۖ وَلِبَاسُ التَّقْوَىٰ ذَٰلِكَ خَيْرٌ

ذَٰلِكَ مِنْ آيَاتِ اللَّهِ لَعَلَّهُمْ يَذَّكَّرُونَ

O children of Adam, We have bestowed upon you clothing to conceal your private parts and as adornment. But the clothing of righteousness – that is best. That is from the signs of Allah that perhaps they will remember.”

Allah mentions first the outer clothing and then our inner clothing. Why clothing? Because they are a barrier, a protection, from external harm. Likewise taqwa is literally a barrier, protecting us from internal harm. It is was prevents us from sinning against Allah; it is what brings us closer to Him and what reminds us to stay away from the haram and run towards the halal and that which Allah loves.

The question then is, how can we attain a higher level of taqwa? Where do we buy this clothing from?? Certainly it’s special, unique, and brand named by Allah Himself. Well, in the ayah Allah gives us a way. He tells us that in these are signs for those who remember. In a plethora of ayaat He discusses the benefits of thikr on our Iman, our hearts, our lives, etc.

It’s important to note that thikr is not just of the tongue but truly in hearts which manifests in our actions. Praising Allah and sending blessings on the Prophet pbuh is a thikr. Reading Quran is a thikr. Reflecting on the blessings He continually grants us is a thikr.

There are such simple acts that we can implement in our everyday lives…it’s just a matter of will we remember, reflect, and actually do it?

May we become people who are constantly and continuously mindful of Allah and our purpose for which He created us. Ameen.

وَإِذَا سَأَلَكَ عِبَادِي عَنِّي فَإِنِّي قَرِيبٌ ۖ أُجِيبُ دَعْوَةَ الدَّاعِ إِذَا دَعَانِ ۖ فَلْيَسْتَجِيبُوا لِي وَلْيُؤْمِنُوا بِي لَعَلَّهُمْ يَرْشُدُونَ

And when My servants ask you about Me – indeed I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me. So let them respond to Me [by obedience] and believe in Me so that they may be rightly guided. [2:186]

A group of believers once asked the Prophet Muhammed, peace and blessings upon him, ‘Is our Lord nearby so that we should talk to Him secretly, or is He far away, so that we should call out to him?’. This verse was revealed to answer their question.

I love looking at how Arabic syntax and sentence structure gives depth to the meaning of the verse. In this case, look at the red phrase above. God responds by saying “If my servant asks about me, Indeed I am near.” God uses the Arabic language in such an eloquent way to convey to us that He is very close to us.

God is showing His nearness to His servant first by mentioning him as “عبدي” (‘abdi) which in Arabic generally means “My servant.” [Technically speaking it means someone who willingly puts himself in servitude of someone]. God could have answered the question saying “if someone asks you about me” or “if a believer asks you about me,” but He doesn’t. Instead he uses a very special word in Arabic which connotes a more intimate meaning.

Second, the form of the word (because it’s all one word) makes the possessor (God) and the possession (servant/believer in Him) close in actual space in this verse. In Arabic the way the language looks also gives depth the meaning.

Third, God shows His nearness to us, His servants, by not putting the word “say” after the conditional clause. For example, I could say, “If someone asks them about my class tell them its Tuesdays and Thursdays.” In giving an answer to the question you would put “tell them” or “say to them” or some type of verb that indicates what you should be communicating to the questioner. But in the verse, God turns to the first person and just says, “Indeed I am near.” It’s beautiful because you don’t need a mediator or intercessor speaking on your behalf to God…it’s a direct relationship between you and Him.

I like to picture verses like a movie. For this verse I imagine God first facing the Prophet and then for the second part just turning to the believers who asked the original question and letting them know directly, “I’m right here for you!”

Lastly, God says “Indeed I am near.” He could have just said I am near but He used emphasis on the fact that there is absolutely no doubt of the fact that He’s near.

Suddenly the driver broke our silence. “inti malayziya?” (Are you Malaysian?)

“La.” (No.) I rarely ever spoke to taxi drivers. I didn’t want them to figure out I was American or else I’d get ripped off

“Indonisiya?” (Indonesian?)

“La,” I replied while looking out the window. We were stuck in standstill traffic. It was midnight but you’d never be able to tell with all the bright lights and loud city noises.

The driver continued guessing my nationality. I sighed deeply then turned towards him. He was an older man, dark circles under his eyes, few strands of white hair atop his head, and wrinkles showing a lifetime of hard work.

“Ana pakistaniya.” (I’m Pakistani) His eyes lit up and he started talking about how his good friend was from Pakistan and of all the Pakistani foods he’d eaten. He spoke in the colloquial dialect but I had been in Cairo long enough to understand it. He started asking me what I was doing in Egypt. I turned around to see everyone fast asleep in the backseat.

After another deep breath I responded, “Badrus lugatal arabiyya. ‘Ayza bafham alQuran” (I’m studying the language of Arabic. I want to understand the Quran.)

“Fe’lan?!? Hal anti tuhhibeen ta’leem alQuran?” (Really?!? Do you love the study of the Quran?) I was completely taken aback. He started speaking standard Arabic which for most locals is abnormal, like speaking Old English back home.

Our conversation turned from my Arabic studies to his life story. He talked about how he supported nine children through college as a taxi driver. I had never seen such a proud and happy man before. An hour later we got to our apartment. Everyone tumbled out of the car and I leaned into the window with more money that he had initially asked for.

“La ureedu ay shai’. Wallahi ka’anaki binti!” (I don’t want anything. I swear to God! You’re like my daughter!)

I melted. He was so insistent but he finally let me put the money on the passenger seat as I walked away.

I got to the school and told them, ” Girls, we have a very serious discussion to have in the car.”

Girls: “What!? What?!”

“I’ll tell you in the car inshaaAllah. “

We proceeded to getting situated in the car and saying the Duaat as-safar before I brought the issue up.

“Girls, today I went to Rafia Aunty’s janaaza. She was a lady in our community who everyone really loved. She always did good things.”

Silence.

“She died yesterday. What does that mean? What does it mean to die?”

Nusaybah: “To go back to Allah?”

“That’s, correct! What else?”

Silence.

We stopped at a red light.

“Look at that patch of grass over there. Imagine there’s a hole in the ground and you’re laying in it. Then the dirt covers you up. How would you feel?”

“I would feel really scared.”

Umaymah: “Yea me too.”

“You know you can die at any moment? We’re sitting in the car and we could die right now. Or in five minutes. Maybe our mom or dad could die. We don’t know when it’ll happen.”

“Yea I know! You know, Omar RadiyAllahu anhu died in the middle of praying when that man stabbed him with a poisoned knife. And he fainted but wanted to finish his prayer!”

“Good job Nusaybah; that’s an excellent example!”

“Or look at Rumaysa, Hafsa and Maria’s baby sister. She died and she wasn’t even one year old!”

“That’s right! Allah wrote her time and He took her at that time. Now they’re all in their graves under the ground: The Prophets, Rumaysa, and Rafia Aunty. They all were really good people and did good deeds. If you do good deeds Allah will make your grave really beautiful. It’ll smell nice and the it’ll be really nice and wide. But if we do bad deeds it’ll be very scary and smelly.”

“We should always do good deeds then!”

“Yes we should.”

“But sometimes it’s really hard because Shaitan makes it hard!!”

“Well, what should we do to get rid of Shaitan?”

“Say A’uthubillah!”

Mariam: “Say Astaghfurullah!”

“Say a surah or something.”

“Good job, girls! Those are all correct! You know what else you can do?”

“Whaat?”

“You could do wudu with water. What is Shaitan made out of?”

“FIRE!”

“And what puts out fire?”

“Water!!”

“Excellent! Which is why when you’re angry or when Shaitan is trying to get you to do bad, you should put it out by doing wudu with water!”

It was quite a fruitful discussion with the girls. Did I mention they are 4 and 5 years old? =D