December 30th

Asalaamualaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakaatuhu,

We reached Chicago on the 26th at 2 pm. Our flight to Detroit wasn’t until 6 pm so we sat and waited at the airport for the flight. I was really quiet and depressed while waiting because reaching Chicago made the ending of the journey sink in. Upon getting all the luggage in Chicago everyone was saying salaam to one another. We were all going to our separate ways back to our own lives. Some people to Chicago, some Boston, some Cincinnati, some Saint Louis, and some Detroit. People we had come to love like family were now going home. SubHanAllah you wouldn’t think you’d feel so close to people who were complete strangers just 2 and half weeks ago.

We arrived in Detroit at 9 pm and Bhaiyah and Bhai (my cousins) drove us home. It felt surreal. When we got home Naureen and Maleeha (my sisters) ran to hug us all. Naureen was talking to me but I didn’t really pay attention because it felt so strange to walk into my house. I went upstairs to my room and looked around. How unusual it seemed to be back in this room that is filled with so many unnecessary things. Then I gratefully used the bathroom. Alhumdulillah. My sisters had made some gifts for us for our return. First they put up a poster with all three of our pictures on it and poems about us all. And they had pictures of Hajj and descriptions of it. They put lights all around the poster on the wall. The second gift was a clock with surat al-Asr engraved on it. It was packed inside 4 boxes so it seemed like a huuuge gift and finally after unwrapping everything we found it. It was really thoughtful of them mashaAllah.

That night I went to sleep still feeling very strange and out of place, as if I wasn’t really in my own home. The next morning my eye opened at 2:30 am and I was wide awake on Mecca time. So I went downstairs and opened my email only to find hundreds of emails to check. Some friends were gchat so I chatted with them for a while then came up around 3:15 to make some breakfast only to find both my parents wide awake as well! SubHanAllah. We all ate breakfast at 3:30 am in the morning. We all didn’t quite know what to do with ourselves.

That day I felt such an emptiness in my heart because I had no where to go but home. In Mecca and Medinah we’d spend the whole day almost outside at the masjid. I would look out my hotel window and see the masjid and the people-filled streets. There would always be noise outside all day and all night long. I look outside my window now and see empty snow-filled streets and hear not even the sound of the bristling of the wind. Its such a lonely feeling to know what a blessed place I was in and had to leave for this dreary place. SubHanAllah its like I’m actually returning back to reality, to the real world now…except I wish being in Meccah was my real world.

When you’re in Mecca you know the purpose of life, at least I felt I did. There’s no way I could forget it with the Masjid al-Haram always in my sight. Everything we did was for Allah’s sake, even shopping subHanAllah. When the athan went off everyone swarmed to the masjid to pray like a swarm of ants. Shop owners would leave their shops and chefs would leave their restaurants. The streets would be filled with people praying. It was as if the whole city shut down in the worship of Allah subHanahu wa ta’aala. People everywhere came to stand in prayer together, shoulder to shoulder, feet to feet.

On the 27th I was searching like crazy on Youtube to hear a prayer lead by Shaikh Mahr at the Ka’ba. I missed his recitation so much. I didn’t realize his name at the time and I couldn’t for the life of me find it. Today subHanAllah I was just on Youtube watching random clips of the masjid and all of the sudden I was watching a clip of Shaikh Mahr leading Ishaa’!!! SubHanAllah!! He was reciting Surat al-infiTaar and at-Taariq. I started crying right when I heard the Iqama in the clip. I remember sitting and hearing that man say the same Iqama every salaah! I smiled but when Shaikh started reciting surat al-FatiHa I couldn’t stop my tears from flowing. I loved his recitation of the FatiHa, I still do so much. I couldn’t help but think how I would leave everything here just to go back and pray behind him again at the Ka’ba, just one more time.

On the night we were leaving Mecca, everyone was told to stay in the hotel and wait for the bus to come because it could come at any time. I asked Baba if I could go back to the masjid (this was after Salaat al-Ishaa’) and he said no. Then I pleaded him asking for just 5 minutes at the masjid, just 5 more minutes; he agreed. So I walked alone in the busy street across to the masjid. I walked in and went straight to my favorite spot right in front of the Ka’ba behind those doing Tawaaf by the stairs. I sat there in peace and made du’aa as I looked at the Ka’ba. My dad called and said I could stay for 10 minutes so I returned to the hotel 10 minutes later. Then, realizing how much I wanted to be at the masjid, Baba said I could sit in the masjid longer and that he’d call me when the bus arrived. Allahu Akbar! I ran back to the masjid with such a rush of happiness and adrenaline. I sat there for almost 2 hours before the bus actually came; it didn’t come until 11 pm. Those two hours were the most peaceful hours of my life. I thought about doing one last Tawaaf alone but the fear of missing the bus held me back. I miss sitting in that spot after every salaah.

I was remembering all of this as I watched the clip on Youtube. Naureen and Maleeha were staring at me, not know what to say. Lala (my aunt) came over and I had her watch the clip…she had gone for Hajj 5 years back. Again I started crying, I couldn’t stop myself. After watching, we talked about how life seems so purposeless here after returning. Here, there are so many distractions from the Straight Path. People hear the athan go off on the computer and just continue what they’re doing, life just goes on. Over there, life stops and everyone goes to pray immediately. I hear the athan here and get up but I have no masjid I can just run to to pray immediately; I just have my home. Even going to the masjid here is not the same because its so empty, especially for Fajr, Maghrib and Ishaa; there are almost no women there. Alhumdulillah..

When Mom came home and I had her watch the clip too. We both cried through the whole clip, holding each other’s hands. We both felt the same sadness and yearning upon watching it.

I prayed over and over again that evening in front of the Ka’ba before we left, asking Allah subHanahu wa ta’aala to make this journey affect me and change me. I wanted it to make a difference in my life when I returned. My prayer was answered alhumdulillah because I feel like I can’t forget my journey. I can’t just go back to life as it used to be. I now need to work on what I’m going to do differently in my life from before this journey. I pray that I always have this feeling in me, that the effects of Hajj don’t wear off by time. Ameen.

By time. Surely mankind is at loss. Except those who believe and do righteous deeds, and join together in Truth and Patience. [Surat al-Asr]

AsalaamuAlaykum wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakaatuhu,

December 26th

AsalaamuAlaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakaatuhu,

12:00 pm

Right now we’re in Milan, Italy. We left on the night of the 24th at 10 or 11 pm. I spent 2 hours alhumdulillah before leaving sitting in front of the Ka’ba, making du’a. I kept asking for forgiveness and acceptance. I felt a cool breeze come over me as if Allah subHanahu wa ta’aala was wiping away all my sins. I felt like a newborn, sinless, a blank slate. I pray that Allah accepts from me. Ameen.

The bus came at 11 pm and we all squished together in an 8 seater bus. The luggage was in a bus in front of us. We got dropped off at the Hajj agency that had our passports. Then we loaded our bags onto another bus which took us to the bus stop. We arrived at the bus stop and got seated on the bus around 2 am. While waiting I called home and was talking to my sisters.  It took about 3 hours to get to Jeddah from the bus. On the way we made a short stop where the Saudi government gave everyone boxes of food, just like they did on our way to Makkah from Medinah. Once at the Hajj airport we found a green carpeted area to pray Salaah and people were lying there sleeping, waiting for their planes. Our flight to Damascus wasn’t until 10:30 am so we had about 5 hours to wait. Upon getting on the plane, Qurans and books were passed out to all of us. They were in English, Arabic, and Urdu. I was so excited because the mushaf was the same as the ones we used in the Masjid an-Nabawi and Masjid al-Haram!! The flight to Damascus was short and we arrived there in a few hours.

It was strange walking into the Damascus airport again. I was remembering the first time I was here and had to throw up All the women went at sat in the same hall that we sat at when we first arrived here 2 weeks ago. But subHanAllah there were only 8 or 10 of us women sitting while the first time we were here there were 30-40 women, all sitting while one sister did a Khatirah. SubHanAllah, I still can’t believe the trip is over.

In Damascus we couldn’t get a Visa for whatever reason so the group had to spend 12 hours in the airport before our flight. Alhumdulillah we found a nice small masjid area in the airport. There was a faded glass wall separating the women’s area from the men’s. The bathrooms were right by it and were very very clean alhumdulillah!! It was quite funny because the clean bathrooms were right by the unisex dirty bathrooms that I had my almost-vomiting experience (December 10th).

For dinner, Mom, Baba and I ate at an amazing restaurant within the airport. We had a Mexican chicken burger and the most delicious ice cream I’ve ever eaten, alhumdulillah. It was nice, us three sitting together and eating; we haven’t actually done that in a long time. I didn’t actually get to spend a lot of time with my dad during this trip since we all ate separately and went to the masjid on our own time basically. Eating together really reminds me of my childhood…back when I was 5 years old and an only child. subHanAllah.

Alhumdulillah, even though we had to spend the night at the airport on the floor, it was actually quite a comfortable stay. Our flight to Milan was at 3:30 am. The flight was also a short one and the wait in the airport was only for a couple of hours. I went to the dufry (duty free ) shop and bought European chocolate for my sisters. I’m so excited to finally see them after 2 weeks and share my experience with them inshaaAllah!

We boarded AlItalia to Chicago at 10:30 am this morning and subHanAllah the plane is so huge but empty. On the way here it was packed with people but now everyone has multiple seats to themselves. Mom has three seats to herself, Baba has 2 and I have 2, alhumdulillah.

I still really can’t believe the trip is really about to end. This flight is about 8 hours..I’m going to try to get some rest and just reflect upon this journey.

AsalaamuAlaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barkaatuhu,

December 24th

AsalaamuAlaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakaatuhu,

10:00 am

Last night I stayed at the masjid until Ishaa’. I was sitting next to a Lebanese woman and we couldn’t understand each other. She spoke some dialect of Arabic that I didn’t so I couldn’t really practice my fusHa with her…I don’t know much anyhow. She was so nice though. It was cute how we were both communicating in our own languages and using hand movements to explain what we were saying, almost like charades Isn’t it amazing subHanAllah how from the first man, Adam Alayhis Sallam, came forth so many men of different languages? I mean I’ve honestly never heard as many languages as I have here during Hajj. subHanAllah.

At Maghrib an old Indian woman sat next to me even though there was really no room for her to fit. The other women around us were getting so annoyed that she came and sat there. After finishing fard she quickly started sunnah while people started leaving the masjid. She was in the walkway praying and her shoes were getting kicked around as people passed over. I got up to find them and put them next to me so people wouldn’t push them around. I wouldn’t want her to lose her shoes and go home bare foot. When she finished praying she started looking around for her shoes so I tapped her shoulder and gave her her shoes. She put her hands on my cheeks and smiled out of gratitude. It was adorable mashaAllah. I want to keep this habit of helping others because it spreads so much love and kindness between each other. Like this time that I was in Arafat on a mountain and a lady had a hard time climbing up to where I was. So I got up and gave her my hand for support. She was soo happy and suprised really that I had gotten up to help because there were many others there but no one helped her. Or this other time when I was in Mina and it was time for Maghrib. I had to go make wudu and my friend returned telling me there was long line in the bathroom so it would take me at least a half hour to do wudu. So I left with that in mind and just as she had said, there was a huge rush of women doing wudu in the bathroom. I decided that I would just wait in line patiently so I stood there. This woman came and was trying to push through to the front to do wudu next before anyone even though I was next in line. So I motioned my hands towards her, telling her to go ahead in front of me and do wudu. She was so suprised that anyone would give up their spot for another. So she made wudu and then pushed me forward so no one else could push me or past me. She was smiling. SubHanAllah, the fruits of patience is mindblowing! I returned to our tent to pray in about 5 minutes tops and my friend was completely astounded that it took me so little time. I told her what had happened. We decided that we would try extra hard to be patient and to go out of our way for others on this journey and beyond it. Its weird subHanAllah that so many people are here inshaaAllah for the cause of Allah but we get so distracted with our spiritual ibaadah and that we forget that our interactions with other people is actually part of our ibaadah too. May Allah beautify our characters and help us to always have positive interactions with others. Ameen.

Mom left the masjid after Maghrib because she was extremely tired; she had done two Tawaaaf yesterday (almost back to back too). She ended up sleeping at the hotel after Maghrib so around dinner time I brought her food and fed her with my hands; it made her so happy alhumdulillah! She was so worried about getting finished with packing and such but she was too exhausted. Mom had back arthritis for a while before we came for Hajj, almost a year or two. She started taking homeopathic medicine and it got somewhat better. But still she had been praying while sitting because she wasn’t able to do it standing. Coming here has been a miracle for her subHanAllah. There is something about being in such sacred land that just made her back pain dissipate. She was able to walk almost 10 hours straight in Mina and she’s been able to do all her Tawaaf on her feet mashaAllah! May Allah grant her ease in this life and the highest of Paradise in the next. Ameen. While Mom was sleeping I finished all the packing even though I had told her a few hours ago that I wouldn’t be able to do the packing alone.

Today Mom woke me up at 3 am. We got ready then did Tawaaf from 3:30 to 4:45ish together. It was nice and relaxing doing Tawaaf in such early hours. The weather was a bit chilly, the sky was clear, and the noise of the birds circling around the Ka’ba above us made this experience so peaceful. I made tons of du’aa alhumdulillah for everyone. Around Tahajjud time there was a greater rush of people because many people started sitting in the main floor where everyone was doing Tawaaf. Its interesting/crazy how people actually have tactics to push through people during Tawaaf. Like there are these Sudanese men who are really tall and big so they made a train of all the men and recite thikr really loudly. When they’re behind you they sound so nice and peaceful, then all of the sudden they walk right through everyone and because their line is so huge and in tact no one can stop them. Then there are a lot of indo-pakistanis from the villages that just sort or scramble around and push others to get through. I suppose its because they don’t have much knowledge. I wish people understood that if you do Tawaaf while hurting your Muslim brothers and sisters by pushing and shoving them, then what ibaadah is that? The Malaysian and Indonesian groups do Tawaaf all together in one big group. They all have matching outfits and the women’s hijaabs have their flag on the back to keep them together. The Malaysian women are so tiny and they all scurry through people. Its actually really cute I don’t mean to sound racist or anything by explaining all this. I only wanted to show how diverse it is here subHanAllah. One thing that is quite upsetting is that there so much bid’a that goes on here. Its scary because Bid’a is more beloved to Shaytaan than sin because in Bid’a the person believes he’s doing something good so he continues to do it. May Allah protect us from ever falling into Bid’a. Ameen.

After Tawaaf we read some Qur’an. I’ve been reading Surat al-Mulk every night since I found out a few months ago that it protects you from the punishment of the grave (its in a hadith). Anyhow, I started reciting it today without looking and I realized I memorized the whole surah Alhumdulillah!! SubHanAllah, I wasn’t even focusing on memorizing it but I ended up doing so. I was so excited that I had Mom check my recitation 3 times Afterward we prayed Salaat al-Fajr. Shaykh lead Fajr so beautifully mashaAllah. He recited the end of surah Ali Imraan, from ayah 185 onwards. The ayaat are such beautiful ones. It was very calming but at the same time very emotional to hear the Shaykh recite with such sincerity and purity in his voice mashaAllah. I had goosebumps the whole recitation because he really sounded like he was reciting from his heart, begging Allah for forgiveness. “Every soul will taste death, and you will only be given your [full] compensation on the Day of Resurrection. So he who is drawn away from the Fire and admitted to Paradise has attained [his desire]. And what is the life of this world except the enjoyment of delusion. You will surely be tested in your possessions and in yourselves. And you will surely hear from those who were given the Scripture before you and from those who associate others with Allah much abuse. But if you are patient and fear Allah – indeed, that is of the matters [worthy] of determination.” [3:185-186] I truly do feel that I was really tested in my possessions and especially myself during Hajj. There are things that have happened here within our group and other groups that I didn’t mention because I fear I will break my Hajj. SubHanAllah I’ve had so many times where I just had to hold myself back, bite my tongue, and control my emotions. I’m trying really hard but sometimes I worry that I’m not trying hard enough. “Our Lord, indeed we have heard a caller calling to faith, [saying], ‘Believe in your Lord,’ and we have believed. Our Lord, so forgive us our sins and remove from us our misdeeds and cause us to die with the righteous.” [3:193] Ameen.

After Fajr I was so tired from being up all morning that I went back to the hotel to sleep for a bit. Mom and Baba are going to do Tawaf in a bit. I figured I’ll let them do it alone because it’d be nice for them.

1:30 pm

Mom and Baba came back from Tawaaf a little while ago and Mom was exhausted, naturally. Right now I’m at the masjid looking straight at the beautiful Ka’ba. Sometimes I look at it and tears don’t come out as they do for others. I wish my heart was softer and I could shed tears easily. Perhaps I still have a diseased heart. I came here to purify it so I could be successful. “He has succeeded who purifies it [soul]. And he has failed who instills it [with corruption].” [Ash-Shams 9-10]. If I don’t go back home changed, what a waste this Hajj will have been for me. The sad thing is that I’m leaving Allah’s house this evening! siighh…

Its hard for me to explain what this Hajj journey has really been like for me. I’ve had really mixed emotions. Some people say immediately that Hajj was amazing for them and spiritually uplifting. For me, its been difficult and very trying. I had to work hard to make it spiritual and meaningful. The best part is doing Tawaaf because its a reminder to me that my entire life should circle around Allah alone. When you do Tawaaf in peace and slowly, its so nice and calming. But of course all the different people, the pushing, the smell of others’ sweat, the heat, etc…they’re all distractions from worshiping Allah. Its the same way life is filled with distractions too and its our job to get over them and to come back to Allah subHanahu wa ta’aala. Another thought is that Tawaaf is extremely tiring; walking 7 times around the Ka’ba barefoot with huge crowds can really wear you down. But in reality all beneficial things take hard work. We won’t be able to enter Allah’s Jennah with ease, we have to work hard in this world. The Prophet SalAllahu Alayhi wa Sallam said, “paradise is surrounded by hardship and the Hellfire is surrounded by wishes and desires.” Shaykh Muahmmad AlShareef had a lecture I heard on laziness (its called Lazy Boy I think). On the Day of Judgment those who are mo’min, muhsin, mutaqee…they’ll  come to Allah exhausted from the deeds they accumulated and their a’amaal. But on that day they will finally attain the rest they were looking for when they enter the gates of Jennah inshaaAllah. On the contrary, those who did nothing in this world and spent it in rest will have unrest for the rest of time starting that day. Astaghfurullah.  May Allah protect us from being lazy and may He protect us on that day. Ameen.

Overall this journey has been a great test indeed for me. A test of patience, a test of faith, and a test of strength. I can’t say with any surety that I’ve passed any of these tests. If I haven’t, I pray for Allah to forgive my shortcomings and to accept my efforts. Ameen. Rabbana taqabbal minna innaka antas Samee’aul ‘Aleem. “Our Lord, accept [this] from us. Indeed You are the Hearing, the Knowing.” [2:127] Ameen.

Thinking about leaving here is such a bittersweet feeling. I don’t want to leave. I like being able to walk to Allah’s house whenever I feel like it, even in the middle of the night. At the same time I miss my sisters dearly. I pray that one day they can come here to experience a better journey than mine. Ameen.

AsalaamuAlaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakaatuhu,

December 23rd

AsalaamuAlaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakaatuhu,

5:00 pm

Today has been quite a day. Mom woke me up at three am for tahajjud but unfortunately I was too tired to get up. Baba was still sleeping too. I wish we had gotten up. Khair. Mom went to the masjid alone and stayed until Fajr. I stayed at the hotel and watched everyone pray Fajr because I got up too late to do wudu and pray with Jam’ah. It was amazing subHanAllah watching millions of Muslims all bow down to Allah together. We may all have differences in thinking, life style, languages, culture, etc but here the whole world comes together at the Ka’ba in unity to pray to only Allah subHanahu wa ta’aala. SubHanAllah!!

After watching, I prayed and then went down to the masjid to make du’aa in front of the Ka’ba. That’s probably the one thing I’m going to miss doing the most when I return home. Its the closest I’ve ever felt to Allah subHanahu wa ta’aala. I pray that Allah accepts my du’aat. Ameen.

Afterward, I met up with mom and we went out for breakfast…warm paratas and omelet fresh off the stove. I even got to watch them being made It seemed pretty easy to make so I’ll make it for my sisters when I go home inshaaAllah…it’ll be like a taste of Makkah

I guess the parata was really heavy or something because I fell asleep after eating it. Mom ended up going to do Tawaaf alone. If I had known she was going I would have gotten up to do it too but she felt bad for me because she thought I was tired. After Dhuhr, Mom went for Tawaaf again, this time with Baba and I. We did it around 12:30 in the scorching sun. SubHanAllah the heat really put me spiritual mode, reminding me of the Day of Judgment. I made lots of du’aa, this time mostly for Allah to forgive me for my sins and to accept my efforts here. I’m really scared that I did something to nullify my Hajj…the last thing I would want is to have come all of the way, answering the call of Ibraheem, accepting the invitation of Allah, and to have ruined it or jeopardized it.

After Tawaaf we came back to the hotel for lunch and to pack all our luggage because we’re leaving the hotel tomorrow during the day for Jeddah. Our flight is 10:30 am the morning after tomorrow inshaaAllah.

Right now we’re stting at the masjid waiting for Maghrib. Then after praying Ishaa’ we’ll do Tawaaf again inshaAllah. We still have to finish packing too. I love how here we are able to sit at the masjid and wait for the next salaah to come instead of salaah “interrupting” some worldly action we’re in the middle of that we think is more important. I always hear of the stories of Sahaba radiAllahu Anhum and how they used to actually wait for the next salaah because they wanted to pray to desperately. I never understood why they would do such a thing because when salaah time would come they could just go to pray when the time came. Only now do I realize the sweetness in salaah that I never had before. I really do feel as if I’m coming to meet Allah 5 times a day in His home subHanahu. After Ishaa’ I actually feel sad because its not until another 8 hours that I get to pray again with the Jam’ah. I pray that I feel this love and sweetness of Salaah when I return home. Ameen.

Asalaamualaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakaatuhu,

December 22nd

AsalaamuAlaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakaatuhu,

2:00

Last night we didn’t end up going to the masjid because there was a huge rush of all the Hajjis still coming in from Mina all day. I guess they ended up keeping the doors of the masjid locked because of the rush. I ended up praying with the Jam’ah at the hotel and going to sleep. Its astounding looking down at the streets from my hotel window. The streets are filled with people praying, all the way up to our hotel. The loud speakers of the Haram are so loud that everyone in all the hotels can hear it clearly as if we’re inside the masjid!

There were some people in our group that had a different package and their hotel was in Aziziah which is about a 10-15 minute drive from the Haram. However because of the traffic it takes them hours to get here. So many of them stayed here at the hotel with the rest of us. In our room, Mom and I slept together on a twin size bed to make room for the others. At first I was a bit annoyed because I didn’t think we’d fit on the twin size. But subHanAllah we fit comfortably on the twin size bed and even had some room to move around. It was actually quite nice sleeping so close to my Mom. Its been years since I’ve done that! It brought me back to my days as a child when I used to wake up early in the morning while my mom was sleeping and I would snuggle up with her May Allah reward her with the best of this world and the best of the akhira. Ameen.

One thing I really love about this trip is experiencing Hajj with so many different people with such varying walks of life. One girl in our group is married with three kids and looks literally like she’s in her early twenties but she’s really thirty something. She has the mentality that she cannot do anything on her own because she’s completely dependent on her husband. Its mostly because she was raised to be afraid of things going wrong so she’s not able to do anything alone. For instance, I’m able to walk to the masjid alone all the time alhumdulillah and even shop alone sometimes, but she’s too afraid too and her husband won’t let her. I’m not saying its necessarily a bad thing to not do things alone. I guess its just strange to see someone who has been raised so completely differently than you. At first I would get annoyed of her behaviors but then I came to realize that that is just who she is and how she was raised. One thing I really really love about her though is that she is always giving da’wah. She is always worried about reminding people about remembering Allah subHanahu wa ta’aala and the Last Day. She’s always telling people and reminding them of some du’aa or some hadith that is relevant to the situation we happen to be in. I admire that so much. Like for instance, we’ll be doing something and she’ll just know a du’aa that we should say off the top of her head so she’ll teach everyone. MashaAllah. May Allah reward her for her having that fikr about her brothers and sisters. Ameen.

This is random…but yesterday I broke the bed. It was sooo funny. I was kneeling on the bed on my knees and sort of walking across it like that to get something. Then all of the sudden when I got to the edge of the bed, the last board of the bed (holding the mattress) just fell and I fell back so scared. Everyone was cracking up through. Note to self, be careful on the beds at the hotels. Hajj is such a spiritual experience if you make it one but just as everything has a balance to it in life, Hajj too has a balance. Part of this experience is to smile and enjoy the fact that you’re here with your brothers and sisters in Islam all for the same reason. Its funny how random situations come up like that which are just so funny Like yesterday for instance. We went to the masjid to pray and my dad left his chapal (sandals) in the shoe box even though my mom told him to keep it in his bag with him. He ended up losing his chapal…I guess someone else took it from the box he left it at? Allahu A’lam. Anyhow the situation was so funny because he was walking around the city bare foot trying to find some chapal at random stores Alhumdulillah we got him a pair without looking too hard. Hehe.

This morning I got up and went to the masjid for Tahajjud at 4:30. Mom had left an hour earlier and got a space to sit right in front of the Ka’ba by those doing Tawaaf! I was a bit farther off but after Fajr we met up and watched everyone doing Tawaaf from the railing side on the second floor. MashaAllah it was so nice watching them. The entire first floor was full. After watching, Mom and I went to a book store near our hotel for a bit. I wanted to buy the CD set of the Qiraat ul-Quran of Mecca. SubHanAllah it is absolutely amazing and I’ve come to love it greatly. I like it better than Medinah’s I’m so happy I was able to buy the CD set because I want to be able to listen to it when I’m back home and to be reminded of praying at the House of Allah inshaaAllah!

Mom, Baba and I are going to do Tawaaf now.

9:14 pm

We went for Tawaaf before Dhuhr today. We tried doing it on the second floor but it was too rushed and the wheelchairers kept running over our toes. So instead we went to the first floor but stayed around the edges, outside of the rush. It took us over an hour to complete. It was nice though because Tawaaf was slower and there was much less pushing on the outskirts. I was actually able to think clearly, have khushu’ and makes tons of du’aa. After Tawaaf and praying Dhuhr we returned to the hotel to rest and eat. There was palak gosth and gobi salon. Mom ate a plate of it and threw up right after. Then she got extremely sick and had a high fever. I gave her medicine and she slept from then till Ishaa’. (She got up to pray for each salaah on its time though alhumdulillah)

While sitting after Maghrib at the masjid I noticed all the workers who are continuously cleaning the masjid. Literally all they do is clean and pray; that’s it! SubHanAllah, imagine how much ajir they must be earning for all their work. We talked to one of them while sitting, waiting for Ishaa’. He’d been working at the Ka’ba for three years and his family was leaving for Pakistan next month because they couldn’t afford to stay here. I wanted to give him some money but I had none. The ones who clean the masjid are the ones who really deserve our sadaqa money. They work fi sabeelillah and they’re making barely anything for it, monetarily. May Allah reward them with the highest of Paradise and make their life easier for them.

At Maghrib, a Malaysian woman sat next to me. After salaah she started talking to me in English about where we’re from. She’s from a Malaysian state which implements that Sharee’ah. She’s married with two kids and is a business woman so she leaves travels around 7 countries in Europe every two years for vacation and business. Then we started talking about marriage and the differences in culture. She said her and her husband married young and they both worked and built their home together. It was so nice getting to know someone from a different country finally! With most people there’s a language barrier so our talk is mostly hand gestures and facial expressions. Anyhow, this woman’s name is Zayda and she’s soo friendly mashaAllah. She talks to people wherever she sits, no matter where they’re from. After Salaah so many people from different places came to her to say salaam! We prayed Ishaa’ after talking for an hour at the masjid then I said salaam and went to sit up by the Ka’ba and make du’aa.

Today after Asr salaah there was the cutest little boy sitting with his dad a couple rows in front of me. I kept looking at him and smiling. Then he’d look at me, get all shy, then start laughing. It was soo cute mashaAllah! Its so good that people bring their children with them to the masjid here and for Hajj. Sure it’s very difficult because there are so many people but at the same time its awesome tarbiyyah for the kids to have these experiences. This little boy reminds me how the Prophet salAllahu Alayhi wa Sallam used to hold his granddaughter, Umama, while praying when she was a young child. SubHanAllah.

Okay its time to sleep so I can get up early for tawaaf and tahajjud at 3am.

AsalaamuAlaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakaatuhu,

December 21st

AsalaamuAlaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,

12th Dhul Hijjah

2:00 pm

Today is our last day in Mina inshaAllah. Two nights ago we came back from Muzdalifah and basically crashed at the tents. My mom literally fell down when we got to the tent. She had absolutely no energy left in her body. Alhumdulillah lunch arrived soon after we got to the tent, it was baked chicken and steamed vegetables. I fed Mom and helped her drink orange juice. SubHanAllah she didn’t even have the strength to eat on her own. After praying Asr, she fell asleep. I was on the phone with my dad and we decided that he would do the stoning at the Jamaraat for her because she wouldn’t have the strength to walk an hour and an hour back. She heard that and all of the sudden got up and was crying. “I didn’t come all the way here for me not to stone at the Jamaraat!! I’m fine and I will do it myself, on my own two feet!” She was so passionate about it, subHanAllah. So we decided that we’d go to stone in the evening when it there weren’t too many crowds going.

After Maghrib, we took off in a group of 5 or 6 families. It took about an hour to walk to the Jamaraat and alhumdulillah we just missed the huge rush of people. We went up to the second floor and were able to hit the stones right up front! Alhumdulillah. The Jamaraat was nothing like I imagined. Its not a column anymore but a huge wall. Saudi goverment has made it bigger because there have been tons of deaths at the Jamaraat. The walk to the Jamaraat and back to our tents was really peaceful alhumdulillah. We got home around 12:30/1:00 am. That night I slept so well alhumdulillah, a full 7 hours of sleep!!

The next morning we left after breakfast, at 7:30 for Mecca beause we had to do Tawaaf az-Ziyaarah and Sa’i. We walked along the path to the Jamaraat, passed it, then got a bus to the Haram. The driver was reaally slow and it was quite surprising since most drivers are extremely fast and reckless here. Anyhow, all the roads to the Haram were closed because by the time we got to them it was getting close to Dhuhr time. So we got dropped off at the nearest roundabout to the Haram, about a 15-20 minutes walk away. First we went to our hotel, which is right in front of the Haram alhumdulillah. I finally got to go to the bathroom! I hadn’t gone for #2 for 3-4 days!  The bathroom at the hotel wasn’t something extra amazing or anything but after experiencing the very very dirty stalls in Mina, what a blessing it was how to have a clean bathroom. SubHanAllah.

After getting all cleaned up we left for the masjid to pray Asr then to do Tawaaf. Alhumdulillah Tawaaf wasn’t so rushed today because most people had done Tawaaf the day before, on Eid. While doing Tawaaf I was standing in the front, my mom in the middle and Baba holding us both in the back. I was basically leading us around the crowds. SubHanAllah, Tawaaf is so trying  because its difficult to stay spiritual when there are so many people up close and in your “personal space.” You just have to try to drain out the noises of everyone around you and focus on Allah subHanahu wa ta’aala. What really helped me maintain some sort of khushu’ was remembering the history of Ibraheem Alayhis Sallam and then of the Prophet SalAllahu Alayhi wa Sallam. Could you imagine what it was like doing Tawaaf with him, SalAllahu Alayhi wa Sallam? After Tawaaf we did Sa’i and it was surprisingly more rushed than Tawaf. Going up the mount was extremely difficult subHanAllah. I half fell because so many people were pushing me.

After we finished, we returned to the hotel to shower and clean up. Baba and Uncle brought us warm paratas and omelet and a chicken burger for me. Compared to Mina’s food, this was like Jennah, Alhumdulillah Afterwards, all the women went to sleep so I went to the masjid for Ishaa’ alone. It was so nice and peaceful alhumdulillah. I prayed next to a lady who worked at the masjid and mashaAllah it seemed as if she prayed with such khushu’ and so slowly too. She was fully covered in a burqa so I don’t know what she looked like but by the sound of her voice she seemed elderly. May Allah subHanahu wa ta’aala reward her and bless her family for her hard work and dedication to His house. Ameen. After praying and reading surat al-Mulk I walked back to the hotel. It was around 7:45. Everyone was still sleeping and Baba said we wouldn’t return to Mina until 8:30 so I went back to the Ka’ba. I sat at the steps in front of the House of Allah, making thikr and du’aa. Its always so peaceful watching everyone do Tawaaf and watching people talk to one another in the main courtyard. SubhanAllah. I don’t know how exactly to explain it but its almost surreal when you just watch and drain out the noise. It’s like watching everything happen in slow motion with no noise. As if time is just slowly passing by you and you’re able to watch time happen. SubhanAllah. This peace even almost felt like Medina!

After an hour I returned to the hotel and slept an hour because everyone was still sleeping. We woke up and left the hotel around 9:30. By that time my feet were killing because doing Tawaaf and Sa’i bare boot puts a lot of pressure on your heels. I can’t even imagine what Hajar radiAllahu Anha felt. But Alhumdulillah I still had the energy to walk. It took us about a half hour to find a bus; we found an SUV and all squished in. In the backseat were 2 aunties, Mom and me. I saw in the corner and literally had 3 inches of space to squeeze myself on (I was on the armrest area and the corner of the seat). SubHanAllah I sat for an hour patiently and then my leg started going numb and the side of the car with the cup holder was pushing into my side. So I quietly got up and tried changing positions then finally I ended up speaking up and everyone had to move down a bit to make space. Astaghfurullah. I felt soo bad for becoming impatient. I pray that Allah subHanahu wa ta’aala in His vast mercy can forgive me and still accept my Hajj. Ameen.

Traffic was completely jammed so the driver stopped the car. One of the aunties in the back moved up to the middle row because we realized they had a lot of space. Alhumdulillah!! It felt so good to just sit properly. I’ll be grateful now for our spacious and comfortable cars back home, alhumdulillah. The driver dropped us off at the tunnel to the Jamaraat because the tunnel was blocked off to cars. So we got off and walked a half hour to the Jamaraat. It was really rush because it was midnight but now but alhumdulillah we stoned at the first floor and again right up close, alhumdulillah. After everyone finished, we walked back to our tents, about an hour of a walk. On the way Baba got me some Chai We reached our tents around 2 am and I fell straight to sleep.

This morning we got packed after breakfast around 7 or 8 am. I can’t believe this is the last day of Hajj!! There is soo much to do within these five days and everything just goes back too fast. Sitting here writing about what has happened makes me replay everything in my mind slow motion. And even though I’m thinking of what I did only a day ago, I’m sure I missed thoughts I had or small things that happened during the day. SubHanAllah I can’t believe its been 13 days since we left home. Even though everything has been happening so fast I still feel like I’ve been here forever. It’s so strange subHanAllah.

We’re leaving for the Jamaraat now…last one.

6:00pm

We walked to the Jamaraat at 2:30 and finished it by 3:30/4:00 Alhumdulillah. We were done with Mina and able to leave before Maghrib. If you are still in Mina at Maghrib then you must stay for the 13th of Dhul Hijjah and do the Jamaraat again then leave. All that is left now for us to do is Tawaaf al-Wadaa’, the farewell Tawaaf. Its such a bittersweet feeling. We walked from the Jamaraat to the Haram because traffic was completely blocked with cars, buses, vans, etc. Imagine, millions of people, literally 5.5 million, walking from the Jamaraat to the Haram. There’s a pedestrian walk way made all of the way there…about 2-3 connected tunnels. It was like surat an-Nasr. “And you see people entering the religion of Allah in magnitudes/crowds.” That is EXACTLY how it felt like walking with all these people in unison and peace!! subHanAllah. We finally reached the Haram around 5 pm and the all the streets around the Haram was rushed and PACKED with Hajjis returning from Mina. After dropping our bags off at the hotel and refreshing ourselves we ran to the Masjid to pray Asr. The women returned the hotel and ended up praying Maghrib in our hotel rooms with the Jam’ah because the doors of the masjid closed because it was soo packed. It felt so nice just to hearing the Shaykh’s Qiraat, mashaAllah. Surprisingly, after Maghrib there was no salaat aj-janaaza, Alhumdulillah. Usually there’s one after every Salaah. Inna lilaahi wa inna ilayhi raaji’oon. I’ve never prayed so many salawaat aj-janaaza in my life. And every prayer is not for just one person but for many. SubHanAllah how amazing it must people for the people who die here to have everyone here pray at their janaaza and make du’a for them. On top of that, you end up making sincere du’aa for these people even though you have no idea who they are. SubHanAllah. A few days ago when we were at the Haram Mom and I actually saw someone who had died while doing Tawaaf. They were trampled over and the guards with bright orange jumpsuits quickly ran to the person, covered them, and rushed them away on a stretcher. Inna lilaahi wa inna ilayhi raaji’oon. It was so terrible seeing that…a reminder to us that death can be a second away and we can never know if we are truly going to be living. May we all be ready and prepared for death and the Day of Judgment whe our time to leave this world comes. Ameen.

I’m going to go eat dinner now and then pray Ishaa’ at the masjid inshaaAllah.

AsalaamuAlaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakaatuhu,

December 19th

AsalaamuAlaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,

10th Dhul Hijjah- Eid

1:30 pm

Today is Eid and I’m exhausted already even though today’s event’s haven’t even begun yet. SubHanAllah. May Allah give us the strength to complete all the arkaan of Hajj. Ameen.

Yesterday was yowm al-Arafaat, the day of Hajj. We were supposed to leave Mina after Fajr but the buses said they’d arrive at our camp from 11-2. The buses never arrived so alhumdulillah the men all got private buses for our group. When we finally arrived at Arafat after Dhuhr we had to find tents to stay in.

Even though the morning was quite difficult for most, the day of Arafat was amazing subHanAllah. We sat on the hill behind our tent outside making du’a all day. I saw millions of people sincerely turning back to Allah subHanahu wa ta’aala, alhumdulillah. Imagine what the world would be like if everyone was at Arafaat repenting and making du’aa! I prayed most for forgiveness because my piles of sins are more than all the mountains on the earth together. It was so peaceful just sitting and making du’a outside even though it was really hot.

You would think the day would go by slowly since all we were doing was making du’a but subHanAllah it flew by too fast. Next thing you know it was Maghrib time and we were supposed to leave for Muzdalifah. Our group left the tent area and went out to the road because we had to catch a government bus labeled #51 (Our camp number). But the problem was that all the Americans, Canadians, and Europeans in our camp were also #51 so they too were trying to catch a #51 government bus (unless their group already coordinated their own bus). So we waited outside and buses came and went from different camp numbers. Then all of a sudden our bus came but subHanAllah a random other group that was not #51 caught the bus before us. People were getting really annoyed. Many of us from our group went back into the tent area and just sat down and waited until the group leader announced our bus had arrived. It was nice sitting in the sand just doing thikr. The weather was amazing too; it was nice and cool alhumdulillah. While sitting and waiting though some woman sat in the middle complaining loudly about our bus situation. Some ladies tried to explain to her that this was our test and that we just asked for forgiveness that day so we should stay patient instead of gaining new sins. SubHanAllah though she didn’t understand so she kept complaining. I couldn’t take it anymore so I got up and started walking around while doing thikr, it was quite calming alhumdulillah. I pray that I am able to maintain patience throughout my journey. Ameen.

Finally our bus arrived around 7 or 8 pm. Our entire group wouldn’t be able to fit inside so the men were supposed to sit on the top while the women, children, and elderly inside. Some men didn’t get the memo I guess so there ended up being 5-6 women standing through the bus ride including me. Alhumdulillah though it wasn’t that bad because we were able to sit in the aisle or try to sit on the armrests of the chairs. It was nice, we were helping each other out. Every half hour we’d switch spots so if you were standing you could get a chance to sit for a bit, Alhumdulillah. After an hour I ended up squishing in with my mom and another Aunty and we sat like that till 11 or 12 that night.

Traffic was horrible. Imagine, 5.5 million people ALL trying to get to Muzdalifah from Arafat, mostly by bus. In the 3-4 hours we were in the bus we drove the distance of probably 15-20 minutes. By midnight all the buses were stopped so everyone got off the buses. It was dark outside and there were soo many people and different groups walking around that it was hard to stay with the group. People just formed small groups of 4-5 families and left for Muzdalifah (not know exactly where it was). We started off with a huge group of 7-8 families but in the rush we lost a few families and we were down to 5 (my parents and I, and 4 couples). We first had to find a spot to pray Maghrib and Isha’ (because you have to pray those combined in Muzdalifah or on the way there if it reaches half past the night). So we walked a bit and found a clearing with bathrooms so we did wudu and prayed. The women did wudu with the water fountain which was quite entertaining since it was freezing cold water and when you pressed the button the water made a huge arch and hit the ground a few feet away…it was a two-man job making wudu

After praying we looked around and saw a lot of people sleeping on the ground so we though that perhaps we were already in Muzdalifah but a government official came by to tell us it was further and we had to follow the pedestrian walk way some kilometers down. So we all got up (with our sleeping bags and toilet bags in hand) and continued walking. It was probably 1:30ish by that time. It was weird just walking, not knowing exactly how much longer it was going to take to reach Muzdalifah. Two hours later I was getting really tired, and not to mention hungry since we hadn’t eaten since Dhuhr time in Arafat. I was beginning to lose my patience since I was so fatigued when all of the sudden I saw a random ice cream truck!!! The guy was making vanilla ice cream cones…it wasn’t true ice cream but it totally made my night and got me completely pumped up. I was so excited about it that the aunties got excited too and they ended up getting ice cream cones with me! Seriously, I was so ecstatic I ate TWO SubHanAllah how such a small thing made such a huge impact!

A half hour later we found another group of 4 families from our group but we ended up losing them somehow. There were many people and it got pretty chaotic. By 3:30 am we reached the sign that says “Muzdalifah Starts Here” and we went a path sideways to find a place to sleep since most of the main area was completely packed with sleeping people. After much walking we settled in a spot at around 4 am. Everyone was so exhausted that we just laid down our sleeping bags and fell asleep instantly, even though the ground beneath us was rocky. One hour later we woke up for Fajr. Making wudu at this time was quite entertaining too. There was a huge bathroom and sink area but it was PACKED with women. There were two men filled women’s bottles with water from the sink because there were too many women. So a huge mob of women were all around trying to push their water bottles above others’. We finally got 3 water bottles filled with water and we did wudu in the open space. After praying Fajr (there were so many Jama’at going on at the same time since there was no masjid or such around) our group was too tired to leave. So we slept for another hour and left at 7 am. Most of the area was deserted since many people had left right after Fajr. The ground was sooo dirty, it was filled with tons of garbage. I guess a couple garbage cans could not have been enough to sustain the litter of 5.5 million Hajjis.

When we started walking back to Mina I was so out of it. It was sad because I didn’t even pray taHajjud or make much du’a there. Anyhow, on the way back to Mina this morning we couldn’t find any bus obviously since they had all left after Fajr. The walk was quite long and every few minutes we had to stop and get directions. In the first half hour we stopped and got all our pebbles for the Jamaraat. Then I had to go to the bathroom reaaaally bad (I hadn’t gone since yesterday morning). The bathrooms were pretty disgusting since they had probably been used by thousands of women, literally, if not more. But Alhumdulillah I was able to relieve myself After going to the bathroom and doing wudu we continued on our journey back to Mina.

It was 9 or 9:30 am when we finally reached the sign that said, “Mina Starts Here,” Alhumdulillah. We we standing in front of tents #1 and our tents were at #119. The groups of tents are massive and the city of Mina is HUUUGGEE so we knew it would take a long while since we got to our tent. So we took a 10 minute break and bought fruits! Yaaay we finally ate after so long alhumdulillah. Bananas and oranges have never tasted so good, subHanAllah! The fruits here are so much better than the fruits back home…they actually taste sweet and real. In Medinah I had asked Baba to buy me fruits and I got to eat apples, oranges, pears, honey dew, and melons of Medinah! Alhumdulillah they were amazing! Anyhow, after eating, we got directions and began our journey through Mina. There was one huge road that everyone was walking on; it ran through the city of Mina and it led to the Jamaraat. Since the way to the Jamaraat was initially on the same path as the way to our tents it was completely packed with two crowds of people; one going to the Jamaraat and one returning to their tents from Muzdalifah. It was sooo packed that we couldn’t breath and people were pushing in every which way, worse than Tawaaf around the Ka’bah! Then we tried to exit the crowd just to breath but our group broke up into 3 (us and another couple, one couple, and two couples). We all tried calling each other but in the chaos you couldn’t hear anything. SubHanAllah it was so packed that the Saudi govenrment had helicopters above us throwing water down to cool people off (it was really hot because of the temperature and number of people). In the middle of the rush there was an old lady from India sitting on the road cross-legged. The poor woman was getting trampled over. She said she lost her husband and that she had no place to go. She was so hopeless that she didn’t care if she would die sitting there in the mob. Some uncles picked up her and took her to the side where there was a Saudi guard standing. Everyone has wristbands which say which camp you’re from so I suppose the man helped her find her way. What a scary experience for her though to have lost the one person who she depended on. Alhumdulillah I was with my parents the whole time, we never got separated beyond a foot or two. I pray that I don’t get separated from in the crowds. Ameen.

Once we made our way out of the main rush, we took a side path with fewer people (relatively speaking of course). There are huge color coded maps of Mina everywhere so we had to stop and check our directions every half hour. The walk to the tents took hours and the sun made it worse, it was about Dhuhr time now. My mom was literally about to faint from the exhaustion, heat, and pain. She has back arthritis but Alhumdulillah it hasn’t affected her this whole trip until now. She couldn’t hold her bags anymore so I held them for her.

An hour or two after walking we were going through an African tent and there were big blobs of nasty vomit-haleem looking stuff on the side of the path every few feet. I think it was a mixture of left overs or something, Allahu Aalem. I noticed it and walked to the side a bit so I wouldn’t walk into it. The couple that was with us didn’t notice it (they were walking in front of me) and the aunty accidentally stepped right into and slipped in it. While falling, she grabbed her husband’s hand and he fell in it too! I know it was soo gross but at the same time it was soo funny. Everyone was wearing flip flops so they had this stuff all over their feet (and their clothes and bags) Alhumdulillah there was a sink area a few minutes away so we got to stop and help them wash up. It was at that time (around 12:00) that we realized it was E’id! SubHanAllah this Eid will be one that we all will probably never forget!

We got back to our camp around 12:30. We had been walking for 5 hours this morning and 5 hours last night. SubHanAllah it was such a relief just to be back in the tent. Everyone was arriving a couple at a time, exhausted. The couples we had lost in the Jamaraat rush made it back too alhumdulillah, around the same time we did. My mom got into the tent and literally just fell. All the energy was completely drained out of her. I gave her some vitamin juice and medicine then she fell asleep. InshAllah lunch will come soon so I can feed her so she can regain her energy. SubHanAllah we just arrived to Mina but we haven’t even begun the things we have to do today for Hajj!

We truly experienced Hajj today and being patient was EXTREMELY hard, especially because our group was all broken up into small groups because of the rush. At the same time though it was really nice to be able to experience Hajj the true way, walking everywhere without the luxury of buses and food. Alhumdulillah.

Arite I need to go change now since my clothes smell pretty much disgusting Plus I need to get ready to go to the Jamaraat soon inshAllah.

AsalaamuAlaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,

December 17th

AsalaamuAlaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,

8th of Dhul Hijjah; 7:00 pm

Today we reached Mina and day 1 of Hajj has begun alhumdulillah! We had been waiting for the government buses in Mecca since last night after Ishaa’ but they never came. So after waiting patiently for 10 hours we finally got private smaller buses for groups of 12. I actually enjoyed the wait since I got to sit at the masjid, alhumdulillah Anyhow, the women and our luggage were in the bus while the men were sitting on top. SubHanAllah it was extremely hot and we were blessed to have been able to sit inside the bus on the way there. I can’t imagine how the men were doing, they were probably toasted on top right below the sun. What was even worse though was that many people were walking (with their families, kids, and luggage) from Mecca to Mina. May Allah make it easier for them. Ameen.

Our bus dropped us off at the tents numbered 88 and our tents were 119. The driver didn’t know his way around Mina so he just sort of left us there. So everyone got off the bus with their luggage and sort of stood around in confusion because Mina is huuuggee! SubHanAllah it’s just a city filled with tents upon tents. Some of the men went off to find the direction we needed to walk in to get to our tents. Alhumdulillah they finally figured it out after a half hour. So we began walking with our luggage to the tents. It was Dhuhr time so it was the hottest part of the day subHanAllah. The walk took 30-40 minutes. I wonder how it is that the Prophet SalAllahu Alayhi wa Sallam and his Sahaba radiAllahu Anhum walked from place to place yet were still able to be fresh enough to do amazing khushu’-filled ‘ibaadah. I got tired after just walking 40 minutes in the sun, I can’t even imagine what it would have been like for them.

Alhumdulillah we got to our tents around 1-2 pm. When we arrived our women’s tent was completely packed. SubHanAllah there was literally no more room for anyone to sit in the tent or even enter. So many people were complaining about how we were going to stay here. I was so tired from the walk that I just sat down after praying, not really caring about whether or not the tent was too small for us. Honestly, I was just grateful we had a roof over us to keep us protected from the blazing sun (not to mention we had an AC too, alhumdulillah!) unlike the poor people we saw outside lying in the streets with nothing but a bed sheet. May Allah subHanahu wa ta’aala reward them for their struggles.

Finally after about a half hour the tents were switched. SubHanallah we got an entire tent for all us women (about 40 of us)! The men’s tent was right across ours. Now Alhumdulillah there’s is more than enough space for everyone…the fruits of patience and tawakkul, subHanAllah. The tents are really nice too Alhumdulillah. They just have plain carpet laid down (like the kind laid down at the masajid) and they have AC. We all just put our sleeping bags side by side in four long rows. It’s really nice, everyone laying together and getting to know one another InshAllah we’ll all keep in touch with each other after Hajj.

Mina is such an interesting city. I went out trying to explore only to realize I shouldn’t venture too far because all the tents look exactly the same. The bathrooms were quite interesting too…the kind that are holes in the ground. I wonder how I’m going to pull this off for five days

I love seeing everyone in all the tents because it’s just soo many people; 5.5 million people to be exact! SubHanallah it’s amazing that everyone is here to worship Allah subHanahu wa ta’aala. It’s strange though how everyone’s tents are all so different. Like for instance, the tents closer to the front are really nicely carpeted with mattresses and tables filled with food and what not. I think it takes away from the Hajj experience though if its so lavish. People told me before Hajj that there would be mini mattresses in the tents. We didn’t get any even though I expected them. Even so however, I was really happy because honestly, I think its nicer sleeping on the floor, old school style

Well I’m going to pray and sleep now because tomorrow is Yowm al-Arafah inshAllah!!! I can’t wait because its like the day of Hajj. The Prophet SalAllahu Alayhi wa Sallam said, “There is no day on which Allah frees more of His slaves from the Fire than the Day of Arafat, and He verily draws near them, then boasts of them before the angels saying: ‘Look to my servants who have come to Me disheveled and dusty.’” (Sahih Muslim) God knows I’m filled with 19 years of dust and dirt and I neeed spiritual cleansing and freedom from the Hellfire. May Allah save us all from the Hellfire and may He accept from all of our du’a tomorrow and throughout the rest of Hajj. Ameen.

AsalaamuAlaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakaatuhu,

December 16th

AsalaamuAlaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,

1:05 pm

We reached Mecca yesterday around Dhuhr time. Our hotel is right in front of the Haram! We’re in front of the Baab al-’Umrah. Yesterday we prayed Fajr in a random little masjid in the middle of the desert (literally). It was on our way to Mecca. The space to pray was probably the same as amount of space as a master bedroom back home. There were hundreds of people who had to pray and only one small door in which we could enter and exit (one for each gender, of course). Everyone kept pushing to get in and out. Praying in such a small space with so many people was certainly an interesting experience.

After praying, we all waiting outside of the masjid for everyone else in the group to finish praying. It was amazing walking in the sand, the grains going through my toes (I wore flip-flops throughout the entire trip). I kept thinking, what if this sand was walked upon by the RasoolAllah SalAllahu Alayhi wa Sallam and his Sahaba radiAllahu anhum? On the bus I could see people walking to Mecca through the desert. You get ajir for every step you take towards the Haram. SubHanAllah those people probably got so much ajir for every time their foot hit the sandy, rocky ground. InshAllah we all can get that ajir as well even though we spent our trip on a comfortable bus for the past 12 hours, alhumdulillah.

After we arrived and settled in our hotels, we left to do ‘Umrah after Salaat al-Asr! It was NOTHING like what I expected. Even though people had told me to prepare for the crowds and pushing, I guess I wasn’t completely mentally prepared to actually deal with that. So my first Tawaaf ended up being very difficult. We were completely squished, smack in the middle of the crowds. In our small group, it was my parents, myself, and a young couple. We all had to stay extremely close to one another so that we didn’t get separated. Every time we got close to the Ka’ba there was even more chaos and shoving. I can’t really explain how tight the crowds were. I guess it’s kind of like if you think of a huge space filled with people so much so that you can’t see your feet or any part of the floor when you look down. And when you walk, its not really you controlling where you’re going or your pace, but the crowd is pushing you along, almost as if you’re gliding, but not as graceful as gliding sounds. SubHanAllah it was so hard to concentrate and make sincere du’a when people were pushing for no reason. In Salaah we have mental distractions that make us lose khushu’ during Salaah. During Tawaaf though, those distractions are physical and tangible. In that regard I think concentrating is even harder. SubHanAllah.

During Tawaaf there was a man carrying his 2-3 year old son on his shoulders. The boy was eating an apple, I could see him in the crowd ahead of us. Then after a few minutes we were walking next to each other and the boy looked at me then quickly pointed at me. His eyes lit up as he said, “Mama!!” I smiled, said Salaam, then waved at him. Then after a while the man and the boy were ahead of us. The boy had his head resting on his father’s shoulder and he just kept staring at me with such peace and tranquility. I just wanted to hold him and give him a big kiss on the cheek. May Allah keep him on the straight path and allow him to be a means of entering Jennah for his father. Ameen.

Sa’i between Safa and Marwa was very difficult too; my feet were killing! SubHanAllah. I was trying to imagine was Hajar felt and how difficult it would have been for her running back and forth trying to find water. I tried to imagine rocky land as opposed to the smooth cold marble we were walking on. She had so much tawakkul mashAllah. Could you imagine being left alone in the middle of nowhere by your husband for the cause of Allah? Compared to this test, our tests are really nothing at all yet we still don’t have trust in Allah and pure devotion to Him subHanahu wa ta’aala. How amazing it is SubHanAllah that Allah loved what this woman did so many years ago that He, subHanahu wa ta’aala, made it obligatory for all Muslims to perform during Hajj.

One test for me that hindered my khushoo’ during ‘Umrah was the proximity to so many people. I always had random men all around me, literally. During ‘Umrah all the men were obviously were wearing their Ihraam towels and they were sweating profusely since it gets really hot here midday. It was hard to breathe with all the smells of the sweat everywhere. I really really need to work on my Khushoo’ here. May Allah subHanahu wa ta’aala help me to focus more. Ameen. The last thing I want is to have come all the way here and to have it wasted because the smells of sweat threw me off.

After Sa’i we went to the barbershop so baba and the brother with us could get their hair trimmed. When we were in front of the one of the barbershops some guy got so upset about his hair cut or something that a fight broke out, astaghfurullah. The man slammed and broke the glass door and its light. The shop owner quickly stopped him but it was so sad subHanAllah how angry people can get. I mean this man just finished ‘Umrah and he fought literally right after. May Allah help us to stay patient through this entire trip. Ameen.

8:03 pm

Mom and I went alone today to the masjid for Salaat al-Asr, Maghrib, and Isha’. It was so nice alhumdulillah. We prayed inside the courtyard in front of the Ka’ba in the women’s area. I sat up by the Ka’ba (behind all the Tawaaf-ers) and just watched all the Hajjis do Tawaaf. As they circled the Ka’ba I realized that the Ka’ba is representing Allah subHanahu wa ta’aala and Tawaaf our life. Our lives should always be circling around Allah. Sure its hard work (Tawaaf and life) and extremely exhaustive but the end result is worth it. From afar, it looks like everyone is circling around so easily and peacefully. Only the one inside would realize how chaotic and rushed Tawaaf actually is. Its like our life. An outsider looking in, life will seem easy. But really its a test, filled with curve balls that we have to deal with and be patient with. subHanAllah.

Before Maghrib we sat down one hour early to reflect and make du’a. I was just looking around, watching all the different women sitting around me from different parts of the globe. In front of me was a very cute old Arab woman with beautiful green/hazel eyes mashAllah. She was doing tasbiH and kept looking back at me and smiling. Then finally after a while she turned around, smiled, and pet her hands on my cheeks. She said something in Arabic but I didn’t quite understand. It was so nice though, it totally made my day! subHanAllah the masjid brings people of all different walks together. Most of the time we don’t understand each other’s language but you can clearly understand each other through facial expressions! After Salaah, she was doing tasbiH again and facing forward. I went up to her and put my hand on her shoulder to get her attention. She turned around and was so happy! I shook her hand and said Salaam. MashAllah it was so nice. I really felt connected to this woman who I just met and never even talked to! The sad thing is that I probably won’t see her ever again, but still I’m glad I met her alhumdulillah. May Allah grant her the highest of Paradise. Ameen.

After Maghrib we came back to the hotel and finished packing for Mina; we leave tonight inshAllah. Then we went to the masjid for Isha’. The masjid was full though so we prayed in the outside courtyard, right outside Baab al-Umrah. I was praying next to some random guy which was the weirdest thing. At the masjid during Hajj season though, there’s really no means of controlling for gender segregation. Men and women are always praying next to each other. It’s still really weird though. Like yesterday I prayed next to my dad for the first time. It was actually kind of nice, subHanAllah. Seeing all these men and women praying next to each other right after Tawaaf and Sa’i mae me think of how men and women are equal as worshipers to Allah. We all have the same obligations of worshiping Allah subHanahu wa ta’aala. Our only difference is our level of worship.

After praying Isha’ outside, Mom and I waited for the masjid to start clearing out. Finally the doors were reopened so we went in. The woman checking our bags (I called them the “burka ladies” ) looked at me then to my mom and asked “Beti?” I said, “Na’am,” and Mom nodded. Then she pointed to her ring finger and said “Shaadi?” I said “La.” Then she pointed to herself so as to say marry my son. It was so funny and weird at the same time. We all laughed then Mom and I left. It’s really so interested how everyone speaks a different language yet we all understand each other through body language and facial expressions; they’re universal. subHanAllah!

AsalaamuAlaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakaatuhu,

December 14th

AsalaamuAlaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,

10:00 pm

We are currently sitting on the bus to Mecca. Medina was amazing subHanAllah! So many stories to tell!

The night of the 12th, Mom, Saima Aunty and I went shopping after dinner around 9pm. We prayed Isha’ at the masjid at 7 then walked to the hotel to eat. The food for dinner wasn’t really what I felt like eating so Baba brought me chicken shawarmas At 9 we made our way to the souq which are all lined across the streets surrounding Masjid an-Nabawi. It was fun bargaining with shop owners in Arabic and urdu…although they probably figured I wasn’t from the area since my Arabic was very elementary. InshAllah I’ll become fluent in it! SubHanAllah though my urdu has actually gotten better here because so many aunties in our group speak it here and almost all the shop owners know urdu (among many other languages). That night we got back to the hotel around 12 am. SubHanAllah the city was still bright and alive and there were still many people at the masjid mashAllah. One amazing thing about Medinah is that you can get ajir for shopping here if it is for the intention for help the businesses of the people of Madinah. SubHanAllah!

The next morning (13th) we woke up at 3:15 and left for tahajjud. Its amazing SubHanAllah how we only slept three hours that night and only a couple hours the night before yet we were still fresh and awake for tahajjud. I pray that InshAllah I’ll be able to do that back home too! At the doors to the masjid the women check your bags to make sure you don’t have any cameras with you. Then when you enter there are women who guide you to get a sit so the lines fill up straight and from the front the back. The women are always yelling, “Daakhal ya Haijjiah” All the women working there all wear black burkas that cover everything except their eyes. I actually want to get a burka, they look quite nice mashAllah. They must be getting so much ajir though mashAllah for always working at the Prophet’s Masjid, SalAllahu Alayhi wa Sallam.

After Fajr we went back to the hotel and slept for a bit. Then we returned to the masjid for Dhuhur but we were too late because the was no more space for women inside so we had to pray outside. We tried to find space to pray in the shade since it was really hot that day. But SubHanAllah the place of shade was completely packed! We went through lines and lines of people trying to find a shady space to pray but we failed. We ended up walking through the crowds of people and through lines upon line to find a place to sit. Finally we found a place in the back where the sun was beading down up on our faces. It was scorching hot and felt like the sun was right above us. My mom was crying profusely because it was like the Day of Judgment; the sun atop us, burning hot, and only a few blessed people protected by the shade. May we be of those who will be under Allah’s shade the day there is no shade but His, SubHanahu wa ta’aala. Ameen.

After praying Dhur we met up with Baba and went shopping to get gifts for everyone back home. The markets were filled with poor women and children selling cheap items on the streets illegally. When the police came the women and children quickly packed their goods and raan with their items. I was buying something from a lady when this happened and I still had to pay so I ended up running behind her

Then after shopping for a bit my mom decided to give sadaqa money to the poor sellers in the streets. She ended up giving to kids 500 riyaal each. BAD IDEA! The women and children all flocked to my mom like a mob, literally, begging for money. The police broke them away and we (my parents and I) went into a nearby mall but the mob ran to follow us and mobbed my mom and me this time. I felt like they’d crush us alive with all the pushing and grabbing. Then the cops came again and warded them off as my parents and I raaan all around the mall trying to lose them. One lady ended up following us and she finally left us alone after we gave her some money. Then we quickly returned to the masjid because no one would go there to mob anyone. Then we went back to the hotel. Mom was so freaked out that me and her didn’t go back outside till Maghrib. It was such a scary experience. SubHanAllah though these people were all so poor. They were wearing ripped clothes and gloves. It made me realize how much we take money for granted. Actually I just realized that now (as I sit on the bus) because at the time I was too scared to make any analysis of the situation. SubHanAllah.

During the late afternoon we went to visit places in Medinah. We saw Jennat ul-Baqi. Then we got to pray in masjid al-Quba, al-Qiblatain, and aj-Jumma’h! Then we got to go to Jabal Uhud. Alhumdulillah we climbed the mountain the archers were on. I just stood up there looking around imagining the battle in my head. Imagining Khalid ibn Waleed (when he wasn’t Muslim) coming from the back attacking, imagining the death of Hamza radiAllahu Anhu, and everything else. The graveyard was there where the shaheed were buried. It was just a plain rectangle with no markers or anything alhumdulillah. May Allah reward all those Muslims who fought in the way of Allah and may Allah make us as strong as they were. Ameen.

This morning we woke up again and three. Last night was crazy because my Mom and I were packing all our suitcases after Isha’. We ended up needing another suitcase because we had too many extra clothes we bought. My mom was getting stressed because she kept forgetting which bags she was packing what in. Finally though we slept at 12 and woke up at 3. Everyone did ghusl this morning since we were going to leave for Mecca today. After tahajjud and salat al-Fajr my mom, Saima aunty, and I went shopping and Alhumdulillah we were able to buy ALL the gifts we needed for everyone. We wanted to do all our shopping here because in Mecca we just want to focus our our ‘Ibaadah inshAllah. We returned to the hotel and finished packing. Then we left for Juma’ Salah and ended up being a little late again. (btw..late means you arrive at the masjid 1/2 hour before salaah. on time means you arrive 1 hour before salaah…because the masjid gets packed quickly). Anyhow we got there a bit late and the doors were all closed because the masjid was filled. Again we had to pray outside. This time it was even hotter and extremely hard to find any spot to sit in. I was just standing looking through the crowds while the people in the shade just stared at me like I didn’t belong. SubHanAllah I didn’t know what to do. I felt like crying looking out at everyone and knowing that there wasn’t a spot for me in the shade. Again we walked through the lines of people until we finally reached the back where the sun was once again right above us. During the Khutbah I covered my face with my hijaab because it was so hot. Even so, I could literally feel the sweat dripping off my face. This time I really did feel like it was the Day of Judgment. SubHanAllah. The khutbah was in Arabic but I understood bits and pieces of it. It was about building up our good deeds in order to prepare for the Day of Judgment.

After Juma’ we finished packing at the hotel and slept. Jum’ah salaah was the last salaah we prayed at Masjid an-Nabawi because when we left to pray Asr everyone was returning. We had missed it because the timing changed Alhumdulillah though, after Juma’ we waiting for a bit so everyone would clear out then we went inside the masjid and just sat there to pray some nawafl, make dua’, and just soak everything in. I laid on the carpet for while looking up. It was so peaceful subHanAllah, even though there were still quite a few people inside. May Allah bring me back here to feel this peace in my heart again. Ameen.

In the evening, everyone prayed Maghrib at the hotel because the buses had arrived and everyone was just waiting in the lobby until we figured out the bus situation. I guess the groupings hadn’t been figured out yet or something so there was tons of chaos and confusion. Plus a huge group just arrived from Australia and they needed rooms in the hotel so we could wait in our hotel rooms since they needed to be cleaned out ASAP. The men were all wearing their ihraam towels and looked so cool mashAllah! It was sad though subHanAllah that people started fighting and screaming already about the buses…while they’re about to bind their ihraam! It was certainly a test of patience just to see people act like that. Instead of getting involved a few of us women just sat in the corner on some couches and waiting for the situation to get resolved.

We finally got on our bus by 9:30 and its now 10:48. We’re on our way to Dhul Hulayfah for meeqat. It shouldn’t be too far from here inshAllah. I think I’ll catch some sleep though…

2:00 am (December 15th)

We reached Dhul Hulayfa, did wudu, prayed two raka’a at the masjid then said our niyyah. It’s amazing to hear all the men reciting the talbiyyah loudly everywhere. SubHanAllah. I can’t believe I’m in a state of ihraam, on my way to Allah’s house, and starting Hajj!! Allahu Akbar!

“Labbayk Allahuma labbayk; Labbayka la sharika laka labbayk; innal hamda, wa ne’mata, laka wal mulk la sharika laka labbayk”

“Here I come, O Allah, here I come in answer to Your call. There is no god but You; here I come, for all dominion, all bounty, and all goodness belong to you; here I come.”

AsalaamuAlaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakaatuhu,