Memory

I remember a time when I was in Egypt out in the middle of the desert. Standing by myself, feet snug in the soft sand, I looked to the right and to the left. I looked before me and behind me. I could see nothing but mountains and hills of sand for miles without end. And when I looked up it was nothing but a dark blue sky with the clearest stars I have ever seen in my life. In that moment I felt so alone and yet immensely loved. I felt so insignificant yet given full attention to. It was in that moment that I felt the presence of God engulfing me from every side. The knowledge of His existence overcame me. The appreciation of His Mercy couldn’t escape me. And the awe of His unfathomable abilities couldn’t be expressed justly with any words. In that moment I knew Truth. The true purpose of life. The unescapable reality of my life.

 إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعُونَ

“Indeed we belong to Allah , and indeed to Him we will return.”

Expectations

I’m tired of expectations.

We have relationships and expect certain things out of the other person. But the reality is that people always disappoint. Catch 22 of it all is that I myself fail others expectations as they fail mine. So where can we strike the balance in between. Is it possible to love something and not expect of them anything?

The more I love someone the more expect of them. The more I believe in them wholeheartedly. And when they don’t reach its so disappointing and frustrating, especially if its someone younger than you who you love so dearly like your younger siblings or your children. You want so much for them to succeed in life, to make the right decisions, to stand up on their own two feet. And yet you can’t stand for them. We just teach by example, encourage them, and step back hoping they’ll spread their wings.

I suppose I’m just tired of being disappointed. I’m tired of having such high hopes for someone I love all too much only for me to get hurt when they don’t reach their own potential.

The only one that I can truly have expectations of is Allah. I might not be able to expect where I’ll end up but at least I can know and trust that He’ll be who He says He is, He’ll live up to His own attributes, He will always be there, and He will always be Just and Wise.

May we expect the most of our Amazing Merciful Lord and may He deliver us. Ameen.

Crossroads

Sometimes you reach a crossroad in life
One road you know exactly where it’ll take you
The other not so clear
It looks daunting
Unpaved and filled with obstacles
Filled with untouched patches
That you may not know how to get through

Head turning one to other
Back and forth
Biggest decision of my life
Maybe the predictable path will just make life easier
Nothing unrehearsed
Even problems would be obvious

Close your eyes and walk
Let your heart and mind decide together
And once you find it don’t turn back

Filled with mistakes
This was the best path I could have taken
Unpredictable and stressful
Sometimes forcing me to look back and see if the other path is still open
But then I turn back and realize I’ve chosen
God helped me
There’s no going back
And there’s no question about right or wrong
It’s just moving forward
Spirits lifted
Trying to keep afloat
Even though whispers try to take you down

Thank you God.